Post-Easter Thoughts

Yesterday was weird for me because while most people were endlessly discussing the importance of the resurrection of Jesus and how much it means to them, I found myself pondering how to conduct myself in the midst of it all. While I definitely find it to be of deep importance to me, it was strangely difficult to appreciate that in others. In considering it further, it made me realize that I have become extremely private with my faith in more recent times to the point I make a joke of anything I can to avoid being vulnerable about it all. I resist sharing about myself while trying to smile and nod when listening to others. As I thought about it more, I realized how sad it was which is a statement I don’t make lightly. I rarely am so quick be critical of myself, but this is something I view as crucial. To grow as private with my faith as I have is sad because it should not be my faith and other people’s faith. It should be our faith. Because I have developed so much disconnect from the faith of others who claim the same Jesus that I do, I have diminished my ability to take part in the community of believers. I have no idea where to go from here and what to do, but I do realize that where I am is not less than ideal. It is unsustainable.

I would like to become well-articulated bitterness that points people to hope.